he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish you could order shots online.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
a search helicopter?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
