Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i think i just lost a toe
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
