You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
