Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
