Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
