I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
