somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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