So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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