Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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