saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
