My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
