I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
