Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
