It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
