I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
