so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
