don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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