You smell like stripper and shame
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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