i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
