Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
