i was rollin on her like bob the builder
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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