I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
