I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
