After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
