you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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