i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
