so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
