And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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