Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
