Just fell off a train. Bad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
