I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
