I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
