his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
