I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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