New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
