Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
