this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
