Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
