I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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