If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
