just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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