Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
