when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
