I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
