I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
