I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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