I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
