Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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