nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
