Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
