Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
