So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
