he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
