This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
