stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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