just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
