Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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